Missionary Council

Dear Friends, Family and Loved Ones-

The missionary council is proud to inform you that after careful consideration and humble prayer, that Elder Morphy is unfit to continue his missionary service for more than 24 months. After 2 years of strenuous work, Hot days, insect bites, tropical diseases, SUN, Hot nights, encounters with jungle wildlife, blistering HEAT, powerful downpours, Horribly dressed Amizionian women, unimaginable foot diseases, and religious fanatics of all types and denominations, he has spiritual grown and is ready to be sent home.

In preparation for his arrival:

1) Remove for your house all forms of Rice, Beans, oily pasta, crusty bread, any meat from animals protected by the endangered species act, Rice and Beans, Beverages in plastic bags, greasy soup, un-pasteurized milk, and rice and beans.
2) Stock your house with peanut butter, rice crispy treats, rootbeer, ranch dressing, snickers, taco seasoning, burritos, grade A beef, fruit loops, lots of cereal, white bread, colored shirts. ESPN!! hot chocolate, and any kind of football, baseball, or sports ball that exists.
3) Wash all the cars and fill up their gas tanks, and make dinner reservations at the nearby restaurants.
4) clean the sheets on his bead and clean out the cobwebs that have been growing in his closet for the past 2 years.
5) schedule a full day with the dentist, eye doctor and and all around body check up!

- Don´t be upset if he makes you call him `Ewder Mofi´. (Elder Morphy)
- Don´t get upset if he calls you Irmão or Irmã. (Brother or Sister).
- When he uses his toothbrush as shoe care equipment, please help him remember what a toothbrush is used for.
- Please limit all signs of affection from females to a handshake and from males a big bear hug.
- He is used to 24 hour companionship, so expect him to follow you around saying prayers, talking to strangers, and scheduling visits in non member´s houses.
- When you see or hear him clapping his hands in front of houses, help him remember that there are doorbells.
- If he wants a fruit with more than 3 syllables, just smile and give him an orange or an apple.
- When he goes to get in the shower using flip-flops, help him remember how to use the hot water.
- His casual attire will be a shirt and tie until 21:30 (9:30pm) everyday, so set the termostat at a cool 95 deegrees Farenheit.
- Remember that English use to be his first launguage, so be patient when he says that.´boy, today is with cold´or asks "How many years do you have?`
- If he sits in his room listening to Portuguese music and talks to himself in a weird language, he is just remembering the wonderful Brazilain people and how the mission changed his life.

The cure to help him is just a lot of love!!

ELDER MORPHY IS COMING HOME!